I am so glad you are here today to meet Mique. She is one crafty lady and has a fantastic blog with tons of inspirations called 30Days. But today I asked her to share with us something a little more personal. She has a son with autism and I wanted her to give us some tips on how to interact and relate to children with autism. This is a post that  you will want to share with all the other moms. It’s that good. And here is Mique who simply said…

Hi, I’m Mique from 30days. I’m a stay at home mom to 3 crazy, fun, cute kids. When I have spare time I share my love of all things handmade on 30days.

About 10 and a half years ago I became a mom. My beautiful blue-eyed baby boy was born to two young, naive parents (22-me and 24-my husband, respectively). Two years later our J became a big brother. Right around that time it became pretty clear that something was different with our J. And quickly we realized what the difference was, we discovered he had autism.

Our path has been one that I never ever thought we’d travel down- full of therapy, fighting with school districts, diets, vaccination debates and on and on. Amidst all of the tough things that have come with autism, our lives have been blessed and perspectives changed. My sweet J has taught me more in 10 years than I learned in any of my 20+ years combined before him.

Along the way, a few things we’ve experienced from having a child with autism in our home:

• Brought my husband and I together as a strong team for our J.
• Has helped us appreciate every little thing. Every milestone.
• Our other 2 kiddos are accepting and empathetic.
• Made us realize more than ever before that unconditional love is the greatest feeling in the world. J doesn’t care what I’m wearing or if I’m cool, he just loves. It’s something the rest of us strive for every day- to love others unconditionally. He is my joy.

I know that there is a lot of talk about autism these days. It’s kind of a buzz word. The numbers are staggering (1 in 91) but there are kids behind those numbers. Real kids like mine. With so many kids on the spectrum, if you haven’t been around a child with autism yet, you probably will sometime soon.

I was so happy when Tiffany asked me to share some of my story and two cents here on Simply Modern Mom. Here we go…

Suggestions for interacting with children on the autism spectrum…

1. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. I love when people ask me questions about J or autism in general. To me it says that they want to get to know him. And I’d much rather have people ask then wonder or assume. I think it goes without saying that questions asked should be appropriate in nature. As much as I love answering questions, I’d rather not address, “So it must really stink having a child with autism, huh?” But if you ask things like “What does J like to do these days?” or “What’s he learning about at school?” or the best one “How can I help?”
2. Understand that our kids are kids first, autism comes second. They are not autistic. They are kids with autism. Yep, it’s easier to say “autistic” than “child with autism” (I know it’s a mouth full). Some parents are very sensitive about this and others don’t care either way, err on the side of caution and respect. Learn to recognize the person first.
3. Know that children with autism are all different from each other. Not all kids on the spectrum don’t make eye contact, can count cards and avoid being around people (most in fact are not like that). Each child has their own set of challenges and strengths. Take the time to get to know the person with autism, what they like and don’t like. Since autism is a spectrum with varying limitations, some children will be able to communicate well while other are severely impacted and struggle to speak at all.
4. Don’t be intimidated. Even though each child is different, try to find a way to engage the child. If you know he/she likes trains ask about trains. If there is no response, try approaching in a different way. Point out a train and ask specific questions. Most kids with autism do better with visual cues and specific questions. If you are trying to get them to do something, model it for them. Have them imitate you. Say “try this” and show them. It will take some time but keep trying. Don’t miss out on the chance to get to know a really amazing person just because you don’t think you can get through. There is always a way, you just might have to get creative in your approach.
5. Try not to talk down. It’s sad when I hear people talk to my J really slowly and really loudly. I understand that they speak to him like that because they are unsure of how to talk to him. And sometimes (most times) he doesn’t respond when a question is asked of him. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand. If you are unsure of how much the child you are talking to will understand, ask their parents for advice.
6. Offer to help, instead of hurt. I can’t count how many times I’ve been out and about with my J and people have stared or done a double take at him. Usually it’s because he is sucking his thumb (at 10), flapping his hands or having a meltdown. I, as his mother, am fully aware that his behavior is not appropriate. The last thing I need/want is for everyone in the store to stare me down, whisper under their breaths or say hurtful things aloud. Instead smile. It’s simple but can make an overwhelmed mom (who is trying her very hardest) feel less judged. Along with that know that children with autism aren’t “bad” and often have a really hard time controlling their behaviors.
7. Have a conversation with your kids. Teach your children that it is OK to be different. I know it sounds cliché but it’s true. If you are not sure how to start a conversation, might I suggest pointing out something about them that sets them apart. Explain how boring it would be if every person looked and acted the same. You can then bridge the conversation to how important it is to realize that just because someone learns or acts differently, that they are still of worth. Because children with autism “look normal” other kids can be confused as to why they act inappropriately. If you know that you’ll be around someone with autism beforehand (a playdate for example), talk to your kids about what they can expect or what to anticipate. And once you get there, be the example. Your children look to you to know how to act. If you act in a loving, understanding, accepting way, they will follow your lead.

Here are some of my favorite autism books if you are interested in learning more…

• My Brother Charlie by Holly Robinson Peete
• Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew by Ellen Notbohm
• In Jesse’s Shoes by Beverly Lewis

If you are an autism mom, I’ve done just a few posts on 30days. One of which was traveling with a child with autism. I’m hoping to start a little autism series on 30days in the near future. I’d love to hear suggestions for topics!

Thanks for having me Tiffany!