Oh, school. Lately Kaye had been having problems with a boy in her class not being nice to her. It actually started a few months ago with minor kindergarten things. Because Kaye remembers everything, she comes home quoting what this boy had been saying to her at school. At first we just told her to ignore him. He was probably just trying to be annoying.
However, when school resumed after Christmas break, Kaye came home repeating things he had said to her and some of it started to concern me. And he was saying mean things to her more consistently. Then the day came when she came home telling me, “Mom, I am a little nervous about myself.” That was when it was too much. That was her expressing a blow to her confidence cause by the things this boy would say to her.
We had a chat about it. First we named all the people she knew that loved her. And then we talked about all her wonderful qualities. Finally, I explained that it doesn’t seem like this boy wants to be her friend. And in return, she doesn’t have to be his friend if he is not being nice to her. I told her to stay away from him when possible and instead, surround herself with friends who are nice to her.
I also contacted her teacher. Being a room mom for Kaye’s class, I have met the boy before. And I am in good contact with her teacher. Kaye has an awesome teacher. So first I just asked the teacher if she had noticed anything. She hadn’t. I told her what had been happening and explained that I had talked to Kaye about it. It was a good learning experience for her about her own self confidence and making friends. The teacher talked to the class as a whole about being nice to each other. And she also pulled the boy aside and talked to him individually. Nothing has happened since then. Thank goodness.
» Tell me… Has your child had problems at school with classmates not being nice to him or her? How did you handle the situation?
i sort of had something on the opposite end of the spectrum. last year in kindergarten, there was a little boy who would call my daughter “baby” (and not as in “infant” but more in the “hey baby…..how ya doin” sense) and put his arm around her. i teach at her school and one day they were coming down the hallway in line after p.e. and she looked terrified because he had his arm around her waist. my daughter is very small and pretty mild-mannered so she didn’t know what to do with his unwanted “moves”. i stepped into the hallway and pulled her out of line and away from him and put her at the back of the line. then, i went down and talked with her teacher later that day. turns out, she’d had to move him from ALL of the little girls in the classroom. i talked with my daughter and told her the next time he called her “baby” she needed to tell her her name is “hannah” and if he put his arm around her again…..that she should nicely but firmly remove it. she never mentioned anything going on again and i never saw anything again.
My neiece is in kindergarten and had a boy that would sit next to her at lunch and give her a hard time. We talked about avoiding him etc, but he comes to her. Amazingly, her sister, who is in first grade, solved the problem so simply. She told her to make sure she was behind him in the lunch line so he had to sit down first and she could sit away from him. It was so simple, it was genius!
I found your website from a pinterest search for bento boxes that brought me here…which is good because my kindergartner has had problems all year with other girls bullying her. She is the type that will be friends with anyone and everyone and just wants to play and get along. There are a few very strong personalities in her class that are ‘making her’ do things she doesn’t want to do or taking her food at lunch, one little girl on the bus even defaced her backpack. I’ve had to talk to her teacher a few times about it. Her teacher has said she has problems with these kids, so it’s not just my daughter, but I think she gets targeted because she is not as aggressive as these other kids are. I keep wondering what is up with so many little girls (5 and 6 yr olds) being so aggressive? Where does this behavior come from? I’ve had to have many conversations with my daughter about being more self assertive and who is and who is not really her friend. There is a zero-tolerance bullying policy at our school, so it’s always handled immedietly by the teacher and thankfully it usually is resolved easily.
thanks for sharing your experience. it is a hard situation. i have told kaye that if anyone (children or adults) tries to get to her do something she doesn’t want to, she needs to tell a trusted adult and her parents. she should never do things she doesn’t feel comfortable doing or know that it’s wrong.
Thanks for sharing that. I have 2 boys and a girl (ages 12, 9 and 6). The oldest boy did encounter bullying on the school bus a couple years ago. He’s such a sweetheart and kind of shy so he didn’t know how to deal with this boy who picks on everyone on the bus. I spoke to the bus driver and school and they wouldn’t do anything about it. I finally spoke to the mom and she had a nice talk with her son and he never bothered my boy again. We got lucky this time but I’ve heard stories from other parents where the mom or dad simply said “boys will be boys” with the implication that they should just let the kids work it out themselves. While it might be good on one hand for life lessons …it does more damage than good. I noticed a big change in my son’s whole attitude and persona during the bullying period. I would not let up until he told me what was going on. Thank God I did.
I’m ultra sensitive to the subject matter of bullying because I dealt with it in my youth and saw first hand the damage it did to kind friends of mine.
I own Dadomatic.com and we continually do pieces about bullying along with one of our dads Chris Cuomo who covers it on 20/20 on ABC.
http://dadomatic.com/chris-cuomos-special-on-bullying/
Here are some more pieces on bullying we’ve done..
http://dadomatic.com/?s=bully
Doriano Paisano Carta
My daughter (3rd grade) is having some trouble with a boy saying/writing inappropriate things to her…I’m NOT happy! Going to talk with the teacher and see if we can put a stop to it. She is a yellow belt in karate, so I’ve told her to use her skills if needed! I hate that she has to deal with this already!