One of the best thing about Simply Modern Mom blog is it allows me to get to know you, my dear readers, through your comments, emails and linking to your blog for Project 52: Date Nights. And that was exactly how I met Mande. She is participating in Project 52: Date Nights with us and links to her site each week. Through her blog, I discovered she is an American mother (originally from Wisconsin) living in Japan. Mande’s husband is Japanese. They have two kids, a 3-year-old girl and a 8-month-old boy. Fascinating! I asked her if she would share with us what life and motherhood is like in Japan. So this is a Q&A with Mande in Japan, and she simply said…

How did you meet your husband?

When I was in high school, I came to Japan as an exchange student for a year. He was in my homeroom class and I just fell in love the first moment I saw him! Then, we got to know each other because we had cleaning duty after school and he would always ask me about my life back in the USA. We became friends and I chased him around until I could convince him that we were meant to be together. By the time I left in July, we were very close, but it took another 8 years (and many ups and downs) before we finally decided to get married and live in the same country.

When you were thinking of marrying your husband, did you know that you would end up living in Japan?

No, we were originally planning to live in Wisconsin. Then about 5 months before the wedding, he got promoted at work and asked if we could postpone the wedding. I knew that he had a good job which held a lot of promise for him. Plus, I honestly thought I could adjust to living in Japan better than he would be able to adjust to life in the USA. We were only planning to live in Japan for a few years. Eight years later, I can honestly say that I am glad we made the decision to live here.

What has been the hardest adjustment for you?

First, the lonliness was hard to get used to. It can be difficult to create genuine friendships with Japanese people. Some people still tell me they want to be friends with me so I can teach English to their kids. Second, was the cooking. I love Japanese food, but eating it and cooking it are two very different things. After all these years, I have finally found a way to create hybrid Japanese and American meals that please the entire family.

What do you like about the Japanese culture?

The food is great. It is so much more than just sushi and rice. The Japanese have a real appreciation for food and have sought to import dishes from all over the world and somehow make them their own. This means there are tons of choices – deep-fried foods, French desserts, Chinese dishes, Italian pasta etc. I know that American food is kind of the same way, but I was surprised to find different imports in Japan – Italian pasta like Pepperocino that cannot be found in the USA. Delicious!

What is it like to be an American living in Japan?

I think most people are curious about what life is really like in the USA and want to know what people in small-town America do. To them, going to a small town for vacation sounds so relaxing. I think once Japanese people get past the fact that they are interacting with a foreigner they don’t seem to care which country you are from.

What is it like to be a mom and raise children in Japan?

The Japanese government offers support in the way of mom/baby groups, discussion forums about child-raising, lectures about nutrition, etc. The daycare system is fabulous in my city. Children generally start kindergarten at age 3 and go for 3 years.

The foreign community is helpful too. After moving here, I joined AFWJ (Association of Foreign Wives married to Japanese men). Through that, I have made many friends and there is a bi-monthly Journal along with countless e-groups where one can go for support and friendship. I certainly don’t feel alone here!

Do you speak Japanese? And which language do you speak to your children?

I learned some Japanese in high school and then I majored in Japanese in college. I can hold my own in a conversation. It is especially important to me to be able to communicate with my in-laws, my daughter’s daycare and my employer. My husband and I use both English and Japanese when we communicate.

I try to speak English to my kids, but my daughter, who attends daycare, tends to use Japanese a lot. She understands most of what I say and she does answer me in English frequently, but I can tell that she is more comfortable with Japanese. This is something I will need to work on more as she gets older. A group of parents and I started a bilingual group, and we get together once a month to do English activities with the kids.

What is parenting like there in Japan? Do they have different mind sets and beliefs about how to raise children?

I get the impression that the Japanese are a little more concerned about education from an early age. Some kids start taking abacus lessons from an early age, which is really shocking to me. Kids who want to go to a certain junior high begin taking after-school lessons from 4th grade. Other kids start taking after-school lessons in 9th grade to prepare them for high school entrance exams. Here, it is all about the exams and licenses!

How do you integrate cultures in yours and your children’s lives?

My husband and his family takes charge of the Japanese holidays like children’s day and New Years. I take charge of the American holidays and we compromise on how to celebrate birthdays. I would also have to admit that the inside of our house is pretty “Americanized”. We always have English TV on, English music and we try to speak English most of the time. Most of the books are in English too. I feel that my daughter gets enough Japanese culture outside of our home.

What are favorite children’s snacks they eat there in Japan?

Shrimp flavored rice crackers come to mind, but the snack section of the supermarket is full of character-related items. My daughter’s favorite snacks are chocolate milk and cookies.

What are some of the popular Japanese toys?

The Japanese version of Barbie is called Licca-chan. Disney stuff is very popular here, even for older kids and young adults and so is anime-related products. Legos are big for the boys. Elementary school-age boys are into playing with tops.

What is something all moms can learn from Japanese moms?

Japanese moms seem to be very detail-oriented. They make obento (lunch boxes) for their kids which are really works of art! Somehow, they create funny faces or animal shapes out of food to make it more fun for their kids to eat. I have learned that children are very precious and an important part of society. The Japanese understand how valuable they will be in the future, so they try to give them a good base now.

» Tell me… Have you ever been to Japan? What did you learn about Japan from Mande? To read other articles in the Education Week segment, click on the logo below.